Overwhelmed, Overworked... and Utterly Inspired

“The Road” Cover Art by Elle Otero

Dear readers,

I must admit that I meant very, very much to publish the third novella for the In Caves and Catacombs series a year ago exactly. I also meant very, very much to update this blog. But here we are, at the tail-end of 2020, and I am just now wrapping up what I swore I'd accomplish 12 months ago.

I'd give you a laundry list of reasons why this year was awful, but I’m so dreadfully tired of the sadness. The anxiety. I don’t wish to fixate on the relentlessness of COVID and its expanding impact on our world. On top of that, enough terrible things befall the characters in The Road that I just need to inject some (hopefully not toxic) positivity into the world right now. We have been so very, very fortunate that very few members of our family have caught COVID. It is such a deeply frightening experience, as so many of you know. So I'm going to attempt to share a bit of levity and joy by focusing on the good things that have come out of this year for me and my family:

1. Evie: Our daughter is a constant source of goodness and love. This year she turned 2, and she is the sweetest child "that ever I seen", to quote her directly. Her request of Santa this year was "To give mommy a present". Hand to God. She is an incredible human being, and I'm 40% positive she's not manipulating me for more fruit snacks.

2. Steve: My husband Steve and I have grown closer. We have shared our deepest fears, done our best to prepare for the worst contingencies we could imagine (many of which did not come to fruition, thank God), and have practiced patience and understanding with each other. I don't have anything funny to add because I'm being sincere AF. Steve is a lovely human being and I am grateful for him every day.

3. Gardening: Our garden that we panic-expanded (well, rushed our existing plans for) in February has been incredibly bountiful. I'm still shockingly bad at growing good corn, but we can grow the heck out of tropical and semi-tropical rare fruit species, so, a net win. Also, we have added chickens. Ever since we sold our country property and moved to a smaller lot in the city, we've been chicken-less. Not so anymore! There's nothing like waking up to their lovely little clucking. Also, Steve has since fixed the dog door so we no longer wake up to it, but it's nice to hear when we go outside.

4. Work: Work is insane. I work in the field of online education and technical training, and we were understaffed before the COVID crisis began. Going from approximately 5% online courses to 100% virtually overnight was crazy in March, and the repercussions of that switch are still reverberating to this day. Despite feeling overwhelmed and overworked all of the time, I still consider this to be an incredible privilege because there are so many out of work, losing their businesses, or scraping by on unemployment. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to continue supporting the transition to online learning.

5. School: School is also insane. Yes, in late 2019 I began working towards my PhD with no idea what 2020 would bring. And now I've made it a full year into the three-year program (am I dreaming? does anyone finish in 3 years?) and there's no turning back now. About half of my motivation to complete my doctorate is pure, but the other half is because I'm totally going to make people I dislike call me Doctor. I challenge you to find anyone who's doing it without that in mind. They know in their deepest, darkest place in their hearts exactly what I mean.

6. Writing: What? How did I find the time? I still don’t know how, but I've actually finished The Road, were you even paying attention??? Artistic inspiration is one of the few things we can rely on when the world feels upside down. I have furiously scribbled during my breaks and stayed up too many late nights, but I’ve finally finished the third novella. While it is not the drafted novel that I’ve been kicking around for years, The Road is a major accomplishment for me nonetheless because it required a total rewrite. I was ready to hit publish one year ago when two very dear friends told me to wait. Let it sit. As much as it pained me then, that process of rewriting made the story far better and more developed than it would have been otherwise. Furthermore, it has also given me the opportunity to seriously workshop it with my writer friend, Marysia (I will link to her work as soon as I can, because she's amazing). The workshopping process has been delightful and such an incredible learning experience, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

There are so many more things to be grateful for this year. Breadmakers, for instance. Jellybags. And growing closer to our family, friends, and neighbors, even at a distance. Seeing our communities band together to get through the COVID pandemic has its own kind of beauty, and it shines a light that cuts through the darkness of death that has shadowed our world for the better part of a year. 2020 has indeed been awful. If you lost someone, I am so, so sorry. I hope that you will find peace, and hope that you will find a way to honor that loss.

If you can find it within you, let’s come together to celebrate what we can. Merry Christmas, dear readers, and Happy Holidays!

On title changes and journeys

As I get closer to releasing the third short story of the In Caves & Catacombs series, I feel it’s time to announce that the title has been changed from “The City” to “The Road”. What once was an idea for a starting chapter has become a novella in its own right. Don’t blame me. Blame April, the blonde machete-wielding lead, for being so interesting.

The rewrite process on this one has been brutal. As in, toss out very nearly everything and start all over again. What was once a story about old lovers reunited under extraordinary circumstances has become a journey undertaken by two strangers and an examination of the meaning of community instead. This story has disrupted the arc of the entire series, but hers is a story that warrants telling.

Book 4 is an eventuality. And that will appropriately be titled “The City”. My only uncertainty is whether April will make it there or not. I’m just narrating the events as they unfold. I have no more control than you, reader.

Find out what happens soon!

Drawn to Darkness

I’d like to think I have a sunny, bright, happy personality. I love happy things! And I recognize the same brightness reflected in my one year old daughter’s eyes every time she gives me one of her thousand-watt smiles. But there’s some part of me, and I think all of us to some extent, that is drawn to the darkness. There’s something captivating about pain; the brooding, sensual, raw edge of it calls to our softest, sweetest, most vulnerable parts. Having lived through some remarkably bad decisions, I’m still drawn to it, but not in the way that I used to be.

Now, I just write it into my characters. The more flawed and human and damaged they are, the more they compel me. The struggles they endure begin to dictate the direction of the story. I’m finally getting my writing legs back, and it feels good to muddle about the shadows again.

Really, all of this is to say that “The City” is back on track for a July release! I’d give a description of the story, but it’s evolving so quickly in the rewriting process that I won’t try to pin April (our heroine) down (even if she might like that sort of thing). Suffice to say this is still a story of love lost in the apocalypse, a story of journey, of redemption, and self-discovery. It’s a lot to stick into a novella.

More updates to come!

I'm a bad blogger (and other motherhood things)

Truly. I am a bad blogger. But I am here! And somehow, still writing (if slowly). The last eight months have been utterly life-altering. I’m a new mom and we’ve moved! These are both good things, but I’m left feeling a little …unsteady, perhaps, when it comes to picking up where I left off.

I’m finding that it’s hard to write when your whole world view has changed. Ironically, one of the characters I’ve been having the most trouble working on is a mother. You’d think having my first child would get the writing to flow from my fingertips. But instead it’s ripped me out of place and the first three chapters I’ve written are all wrong. And maybe it’s because I was imagining what motherhood would be like for so long that this character strikes me as inauthentic. And if I can’t relate to her because she isn’t real enough, then neither will anyone else.

Ah, yes. This. This is why I blog. Writing inspires… more writing!

As the dust settles around our new “normal” life, I solemnly swear I will find time to develop my characters. Look for more updates on Book 3 of In Caves & Catacombs: The City, coming soon! And if you need some light Halloween reading, check out The Man in White, a spooky short story now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Progress

Me, trying desperately to slog through the waves at a reasonable pace

So. I weirdly feel accountable for reporting my writing progress when I blog. Which is probably why I haven't posted in a little over a month. Between professional development classes, working, and other exciting personal life developments, it feels like I'm trying to run in water! But here's my progress report anyway, dear readers:

• The first full length novel draft of Out of the Efrenen Sea (working title), is complete at over 80,000 words. I'll be workshopping it all fall and winter, and then begin sending it out to agents/publishers. 
• The third book in the In Caves & Catacombs short story series is in progress! The City is coming along, and I'd estimate I'm about a third of the way through the first draft. It's been a delightful project so far. I'm a sucker for a good romance, especially in doomsday scenarios. It sounds weird, and it is. I won't apologize for it.

So there. There's my progress report. It's happening... slowly. But it's happening!!

Crossing Genres

I've been slowly working my way through Book 3 of "In Caves & Catacombs", and my characters have developed... feelings. It's strange, when a book takes on a life of its own. That neat little outline that I wrote begins to expand and contract, breaking its constraints to become something entirely different. In the case of "The City", it has evolved from a post-apocalyptic solo through the remains of Southern California to a team effort. I dare say it's becoming a bit of a romance.

Romances are hard for me to write. Not because I don't enjoy writing them, because I do. I love a good romance! But writing one is difficult because there are so many elements inspired from my personal life. Many of my characters in my writing are rather obviously inspired by my friends and family. That red-headed mermaid in Out of the Efrenen Sea? Yeah, that's me. Well--she used to be me, anyway, before she deepened enough to be a character entirely separate from my being.

You see, if I strictly wrote about myself or the other folks that inspire my characters, it wouldn't be weird. I wouldn't be paranoid about it, because truth be told, I'm a rather boring person in real life (except for the mermaid tail, but that's another story for another blog post).

My characters, on the other hand, are decidedly less boring. And when the fictional characters start to make their own decisions, I start to worry about the way their inspiration might be perceived. In my head, they become unique and completely detached from their original inspiration. But do my friends and family know that? Or are they seeing me linger in a description about the connection between April and Will, wondering if that's how my husband and I speak or interact?

To move forward, I've had to stop worrying about what people will think. There's no time for insecurity when there's a story to be told.

It's like a romantic stroll through the snow, but with fallout.